Uncovering the Truth About Your Libido
It is no secret that when it comes to sex for women and people with vulvas, we did not learn enough about it, do not talk enough about it, do not have enough research about it and there is still a lot of shame surrounding it. However, it’s 2024 now, so it’s time for some changes!
In my practice, I am always discussing and screening for any type of sexual concerns, because our sexual health is just as important as our physical and mental health. A concern that comes up time and time again is libido. Here are some concerns that I have noted:
“I used to have such a high libido, now it’s basically non-existent”
“I’m just never in the mood”
“Sex has become a chore, just another task to check off”.
So let’s breakdown three very important misconceptions about desire that might be holding you back!
Desire should be stable throughout your life
Desire is not fixed, but rather it is something that can evolve overtime. Hormonal changes, life transitions, stress, energy, sleep and relationship dynamics all play a role in shaping our desire. It's normal for desire to ebb and flow, especially throughout different stages in our reproductive health – menstruating, pregnant, breastfeeding, post-partum, perimenopause, menopause. Acknowledging these fluctuations is essential for cultivating a healthy relationship with our sexuality. Too often, people blame themselves or think they are broken because of these unrealistic expectations. Let’s lead with more self-compassion.
Desire should be spontaneous
Spontaneous desire is that sudden, fiery urge for sex with or without stimulation. You may remember that feeling early on in your relationship or notice it in movie scenes. In reality, the majority of women and people with vulvas do not experience spontaneous desire. Instead, they experience responsive or contextual desire which is sparked by context (the environment), arousal cues (kissing, touching, etc.), intimacy, and emotional connection. This is just as valid, meaningful and sexy as spontaneous desire, yet it often goes unrecognized.
Sex is a drive, just like hunger and thirst
Contrary to popular belief, sex is not a physiological drive in the same way that hunger or thirst is. While sexual desire and arousal are undoubtedly important aspects of the human experience, they are influenced by a complex interplay of biological, psychological, and social factors. There is no “normal” level of desire, it is not something that you might be waking up feeling everyday, and that is A-okay!
It’s time to take these unrealistic expectations away from sex, to start focusing on pleasure, self-exploration, empowerment and acceptance.
A Final Word
Whether you're navigating the challenges of hormonal changes, struggling with libido or arousal issues, or seeking guidance on optimizing your sexual experiences, I am here to provide a compassionate, open and understanding space for your journey. You can book a free complimentary call with me here.
Ready to make a change?
You deserve a healthcare experience that goes beyond symptom management and considers your unique history, symptoms and needs. If you're seeking a better understanding of your condition and are ready for a comprehensive and personalized approach to managing your reproductive and sexual health, I invite you to book a free complimentary call with me here.
Be well,
Dr. Jessica Nazareth, ND